Learning to Walk Again

Updated: Sep 24, 2023

The first thing I remember is nothing. And, look, I’m not trying to be clever, I had forgotten everything about myself. I was just a lump of unformed clay waiting to be molded. Well, a humanoid-shaped lump, I suppose, I couldn’t become a dog or anything like that. After spending too much time running through the various options, I remembered that I was a male elven mage. My strange dream got even stranger at this point, as I was suddenly staring at myself and able to change the way I looked at will. After spending far too much time recalling the features of my own face, I suddenly found myself and a floating, glowy woman with a giant hat being chased through the Fade by some… things. In my dream, of course, because the Fade is a real place, but you only technically go there when you’re dreaming. So, it had to be a dream, just one that took place in another plane of existence, not my head. Okay, story first, rambling about metaphysics later. Where was I? Oh, right, airborne luminous lady, fleeing from frightening things, and eventually making it safely, but without the glowy woman, back to outside-my-head reality.

The first real thing I remember is waking up and discovering I’d been chained to the floor by two attractive, non-glowy women, something that you usually have to pay a lot of gold for. I’ve been told. They were both humans, a hooded, pretty redhead and a striking, scarred, black-haired woman with a really big eye on her chest. Not a real eye, which I suppose could be possible in our strange world, it was on her clothing. I was thinking of a line to use as an icebreaker, right up until they started interrogating me, which really put a damper on the mood. Oh, and my left hand had green magic stuff sparking out of it. That was new, and I probably should have led with that, in retrospect. Anyways, apparently some kind of catastrophe had occurred, and because I was the only survivor, I was also the primary suspect. Leliana, the redhead, headed off on her own, and Cassandra, the one with the cyclopean shirt (it was nice of them to call each other by name so that I could learn them), took me outside and showed me a huge hole in the heavens, which was apparently tied to my newfound volar greenness. Being the helpful fellow that I am, I offered my assistance in closing what was apparently a demon-spewing split in the sky to Cassandra when she asked. I got the distinct sense that she approved and we headed up the mountain.

Our hero, ladies and gentlemen. AKA, me.

My first impression of Leliana as a captor did nothing to dampen the respect I’d have for her later.

Apparently the jaunt to the Fade and subsequent debriefing session had traumatized my brain somehow, because I had completely forgotten how to look around, walk, and jump. Fortunately for my future questing, it all came back to me while Cassandra and I headed up the mountain. Shortly thereafter, I also remembered that one of my favorite things in the world was shooting evil and/or stupid things in the face as I put paid to the first of the many, many demons that I was to encounter. My skills with the ladies came back as well, because Cassandra was quick to trust that I wouldn’t just shove a fireball up her finely-toned arse as soon as her back was turned and run for it.

As we walked, Cassandra filled me in on what had happened while I’d been unconscious. All of this started because there’d been a conclave called to try and end the Mage-Templar war. It had been raging ever since, well, that’s very complicated, really, but there were a few recent incidents: an explosive event in Kirkwall and the discovery that the Rite of Tranquility, a terrible process that strips a mage of all magic and emotions, was not as irreversible as mages had been led to believe. The Conclave was to take place at the Temple of Sacred Ashes, a holy spot in the mountains between Orlais and Ferelden. Orlais and Ferelden being two countries in the southern part of Thedas. Thedas being the continent that we all call home, in case you’d forgotten. Or, maybe you’re from some foreign land I’ve never even heard of. If that’s the case, let me know so that I can thank my publisher for the fantastic distribution work. Anyways, even though my people, the Dalish elves, hadn’t technically been invited to the Conclave, my Keeper had sent me to observe the proceedings. Definitely not to spy. Spying requires reporting back to your superiors, which, now that I think about it, she never actually asked me to do. And now I’m sad and offended. I understand, of course, considering my history of attempting to… liven up my clan, but still offended. Where was I? Oh, yes, conclave. Apparently, after everyone had gathered, there had been a massive explosion, killing everyone inside, including Divine Justinia V, the head of the Chantry. I was the only one to walk out alive, and by “walk out” I mean “fall out of the Fade.” I couldn’t remember anything that had happened since before my arrival at the temple, which I admit, was a tad suspicious. Hence the recently-ended interrogation.

On our way up the mountain Cassandra and I found a Fade rift, a smaller version of the giant hole in the sky that unfortunately had the same-sized demons falling out of it. We also met up with two new companions, a beardless dwarf named Varric and a hairless elf named Solas. My initial thoughts on Varric were primarily centered on how lucky he was to be wearing two coats in this weather, even if one was attached to his chest, and that I had found a fellow specialist in sarcasm. Also, he had named his crossbow Bianca. As for Solas, literally the first thing he did when I was within arms-reach was to get all handsy and violate my personal space.

My new companions, The Bow and the Brow (trademark pending).

I need an adult!

Not the best first impression, but whatever he did caused my hand to erupt with hitherto-unknown magical power and stop the demons from pouring out of the radiant rip in reality, so, I chalked it up as a win overall. After some more hiking, we caught up with Leliana and a rather unpleasant representative of the Chantry named Roderick. He immediately tried to order them to take me to the Chantry headquarters in Val Royeaux to have me executed. Fortunately for my neck, everybody simply ignored him. More than that, in the first instance of what was to become an odd pattern of behavior for my captors, I was given the casting vote on the battle strategy for reaching our destination. Because having a glowy hand made me seem more authoritative, I guess. We climbed some ladders, killed some demons, rescued some troops, and made our way to the Temple of Sacred Ashes, which had almost literally been turned into a temple of sacred ashes. I would have made that joke at the time, except for all of the frozen-in-death, charred bodies around. Good taste has to prevail sometimes. Speaking of prevailing, that’s exactly what we did after my attempt to shut down the Breach (the newly-coined term for that big hole in the sky) summoned a demon onto our heads. It was a Pride Demon, but I forgot that in the moment and instead invented its more technical name, the “giant-arsed, horned, laughing, lightning-throwing, insanely-scary thing.”