With the important things, like the trials of my companions and tribulations of my own romantic life, taken care of, the next thing on my inquisitorial to-do list was to deal with a minor problem in Orlais. Namely, the assassination plot by Corypheus against Empress Celene Valmont I that was an attempt to plunge the country into chaos and take it over, which was even more of a priority for the Elder One now that I’d removed his demon army from the board. If you recall, some time ago I had been invited to Halamshiral, home of the Winter Palace of the Orlesian nobility. Peace talks, under the guise of a grand ball, were to take place there to try and put a permanent end to the civil war that had been temporarily halted. Fortunately, they didn’t mind waiting as I took care of less boring things around the continent. But, it was finally time to move things along, so I gave the go-ahead to get the party started. I knew that this would be a tense, backstabby affair and as such I would have to choose my companions very carefully in order to successfully navigate the intricacies of the Orlesian nobility. So, I brought Dorian, as he was familiar with balls and would be able to charm his way through anything. Then, I chose Cassandra, because I hoped I would see what she looked like in a dress. And finally, I went with Sera, because I (correctly) thought dropping that bundle of noble-hating chaos into the mix would be funny.
We were met at the palace gates by Grand Duke Gaspard, the man who had extended an invitation to the Inquisition, who immediately started the exasperating conspiratorial whispering that would continue for the entire evening. He directed my attention to Ambassador Briala, leader of the Halamshiral elves and supposed jilted lover of the Empress. Before we even entered the building, I began looking for things to hold my interest other than talking to dreary people in masks all night. Fortunately, the palace provided and, joy of joys, I found RaMOs to collect. There were juicy secrets to uncover, lucky coins to collect and toss into a fountain, and court approval to be gained or lost through my words and actions. The most interesting type of RaMO came in the form of small halla statues that somehow opened locked doors. These were scattered about the place in odd nooks and crannies, just waiting to be found by an inattentive elf. Yes, this event was so boring that I had to look up another word for “bored.” Josephine warned me about playing the Game, as the Orlesians called it, basically the dance of court intrigue that was constantly turning all around us. I was quite good at it, if I do say so myself, but the nobles were oddly fickle, truthfully. They got annoyed if I wandered out of sight for too long, but didn’t seem to care about me repeatedly climbing a garden lattice to access the upper levels.
I can neither confirm nor deny that I was humming my own theme music whilst doing this.
After poking around a bit, I discovered that Briala’s agents were disappearing in the servants' quarters. Unfortunately, the door was locked. Fortunately, I was almost immediately found by someone who had the key. Her name was Morrigan, former Witch of the Wilds, companion to the Hero of Ferelden (and Leliana), and current magical advisor to the Empress. She was just as keen on protecting Celene as I was, and had found the missing key on the body of a now-deceased Tevinter agent she had discovered. Unable to leave Celene’s side for very long, she entrusted the key and investigation to my capable inquisiting.
Until it was proven otherwise, I assumed/hoped Morrigan’s hips were actually that wide and she was the oddest shaped human to have ever existed.
Shortly after arriving in the garden, and pulling one of the aforementioned halla statues out of the rafters of the kitchen, of all places, we discovered an emissary with Gaspard’s knife in his back. A bit of a tough look for my guy the Grand Duke. The servants' quarters, adjoining gardens and nearby apartments were filled with dead elves and the Tevinter agents that had made them that way. As you would imagine, this didn’t sit well with me, so fire started flying. And, luckily, someone had thought to pack our weapons and armor for the trip. I managed to not burn the whole place down, an accomplishment I take great pride in, by the way, but I did burn through the relatively weak resistance. After finishing off the last of them, an assassin dressed as a jester, because Orlais, I guess, Ambassador Briala made direct contact. She confirmed the rumor that I’d already heard from several partygoers that she was more an elven spymaster than an actual ambassador. And the one that said she and Celene used to be lovers. Like all of the important parties at the party, she made sure I knew that if I helped the negotiations go her way, she could lend her assistance to the Inquisition.
Yes, yes, Briala, we’ll talk in a moment, first I need to collect that RaMO right behind you.
After burning through the gardens, we made our way back to the ball to chat with Grand Duke Gaspard about the dead man with the Duke’s dagger driven into his back. I also took the opportunity to investigate his trophy room, which turned up some interesting tidbits. And, more importantly, another RaMO. Upon reentering the ballroom, however, I was intercepted by Grand Duchess Florianne, Gaspard’s sister and our host for the evening. She turned the metaphorical waltz of the Game into a literal one, as I displayed my considerable skills on the dance floor. Being a Dalish elf, I had never been familiar with the customs of Orlesian noble dances, but that’s what I have Josephine for. However I learned it, I was very good at both dancing and talking. Flo revealed that the captain of her brother’s mercenaries was holed up in the only wing of the palace I had yet to explore. Naturally, I headed that way. Right after gathering as many RaMOs as I could get my hands on, of course.
Okay, I also brought Sera because she wouldn’t stop laughing at my ridiculous outfit and I wanted to stuff her in one to shut her up.
Despite being relatively small, the Royal Wing of the Winter Palace was full of fascinating facts. In addition to more dead people lying about, the first interesting thing was in Florianne’s room. Another one of the stabby jesters I’d found in the gardens was attempting, poorly, to be honest, to kill an elf. The elf had been sent by Briala, probably, to investigate the Grand Duchess’ room, but had been waylaid by the Harlequin, which is what I’m told the killer clowns are actually called. This one was so bad at its job, though, I didn’t even need to pull the staff off of my back to solve the situation.
THIS! IS! ORLAIS!!
After booting the fool out of a high window, saving the elf and sending her to Cullen for protection, we explored the rest of the area. I found almost all of Halamshiral’s RaMOs, but was stymied right at the finish line. In order to open all of the magic halla doors, you had to have 12 of the statues. The problem was, and I searched every inch of that palace, there were only 10 of them. So, in the end, I had enough to save Orlais, but not enough to collect the last coin that had to have been behind that door. After playing all evening, it turned out that the game was unwinnable, and that’s just poor design, right there. Anyways, the next interesting thing in the Royal Wing came in the form of a naked man strapped to Empress Celene’s bed. It turns out he was part of Gaspard’s forces, and Celene had tricked him into that precarious position and gotten everything out of him. All his information, I mean. So, Gaspard had planned to use force to gain the Imperial throne, but Celene knew and had already countered his move.
Of course, he launched straight into the timeless “it’s not what it looks like” defense.
The final interesting thing waiting for us on our way back to the party was a Fade rift. A Fade rift that held off on spewing demons until Flo was finished monologuing. She not only admitted that she was Corypheus’ agent in Orlais and about to personally murder the Empress, but Cory’s ultimate plan, as well. Apparently, his goal was to finish what he started the first time he went into the Fade. He wanted to go to the Black City (that he had allegedly corrupted), claim the power he thought awaited him there, cast the Maker out, and use his new powers as supreme deity to take over the world. Flo was going to get control of Thedas for delivering the continent to her master. Meaning she was going to die as soon as Cory had no more use for her. But, that would have to wait for later. Florianne apparently didn’t know much about me, because she told me all of this, ordered her people to kill me, unleashed the demons, and then left. At which point I killed all of her minions, sealed the Fade rift, freed the mercenary captain, recruiting him into the Inquisition in the process, and followed her out to tell everyone what she’d done and was about to do.
Does she not know who I am? She must not know who I am.
Naturally, the Empress didn’t take very kindly to all of this, and Flo was taken into custody immediately. I’d deal with her later. And of course, Gaspard wasn’t exactly innocent, what with the surreptitious moving of mercenaries into the Palace, death threats and all. So, he was exiled from the country. Or killed, I’m not really sure, it was the end of a long and annoying evening and I had basically checked out by that point. Either way, I never saw him again. Briala was rewarded for her efforts in uncovering the plots against Celene, who she still had feelings for (and vice versa), by being raised to nobility and given an official place by Celene’s side. Meanwhile, the Inquisition received the full support of the Orlesian military, greatly bolstering its own forces. Also, Morrigan, a powerful and uniquely learned mage in her own right, was sent to Skyhold as Celene’s official liaison to the Inquisition. Also, thanks to the formal introductions at the beginning of the evening, a mystery that I had been pondering since I’d met the man was cleared up, namely that Cullen wasn’t Cullen’s only name, it was actually his first name, and he did, in fact, have a last name. And then Cassandra and I danced in our ridiculous red outfits. Not bad for a night’s work.
Upon closer inspection, that is not Briala’s hair, but some kind of decorative bag that may or may not contain hair. Oh, and the one in blue is the Empress.
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